The Hoyt Tribe And Woodpecker Nation

The Curse! The Next Generation!

Does anyone know if there is a totem or minor god that is a woodpecker? And if there’s some way we could have offended him…. er…. it?

This morning, far too early for sane human beings, we got two texts in close proximity.

When this happens, it’s usually a friend with an emergency, so I struggled up from sleep, as one does, and finally got the phone.

Turns out the texts were one each from the kids, asking what to do about woodpecker getting in/trying to get in chimney.

Their chimneys are not wood.

To put this in perspective, our final house in Colorado was being eaten by woodpeckers in real time, right up till the last month, when we had extensive siding repair down and fled.

We had some kind of undead woodpecker who went at the house December through October, and could make a nine inch hole in five minutes. Before having it fixed, we had resorted to inserting tiles in the holes to prevent them from being further enlarged. The feeling was that it was attacking us on purpose and intently.

Well and good, you know? Woodpeckers are a problem in Colorado and we had a wood house.

But then we moved. We live in a house surrounded by trees that are a legitimate target for woodpeckers. The house is brick, except for a little part at the top.

So guess what we got last year? Yep. Woodpeckers, making huge holes in it, which I finally had to hire someone to fix. The neighbors seem woodpecker-unmolested.

After I had things fixed and reinforced (though I still need to paint. Sometime in April, I guess) we haven’t seen the return of the woodpecker.

However it’s apparently now going after the sons.

Is everyone having a problem with woodpeckers now? Or did Dan and I, inadvertently trample a woodpecker god’s shrine or something? Did one of our (indoor only) cats look out the window and call them names?

It’s weird, and it would be hilarious if it weren’t happening to us. I mean, it’s still hilarious.

Say, a particulrly uninspired horror novel: Stephen King’s: Rat Tat Tat!

Or perhaps the new movie by Quentin Tarantino: It Came For Your Siding.

Or you know, James Bond and Iron beak….

I’d say “Will no one rid me of this troublesome woodpecker”, but some of you will take it seriously and they’re a protected species in several states.

So, we’ll just say: The Hoyt Tribe is at war with Woodpecker Nation!